Saboor kaise behen hai? The fact hai, hamari sisters ki itni laraiyan hoti hain, uske bawajood meri sister ka husband uske saath achha treat nahi karta. He always gaslights her. So jab usne apne husband ko birthday par wish waghera kiya na, toh usne aisa kiya ke meri other sister ko status hide kar diya, meri big sister ko hide kar diya, taake usay dekh kar bura na lage ke uska tough time guzar raha hai aur main yeh couple days laga rahi hoon. Toh yeh kehte hain empathy, ehsaas. Isko chhoro. The fact hai, aapki behen ke baare mein kisi ne itni gandi aur ghatiya cheezein ki hain. Behen kya, mera woh normal colleague hoga, koi insaan hoga na, I would never want to talk with them, is tarah hans-hans ke unko gale lagana, for them. Aap uski sister ho. The fact, Saboor kisi ki bhi nahi. Kinza ke bhai log koi itni gandi baat karein, she would unko jaa ke hug karegi? Hum logon ki sisters ki kya, abhi tak fights hoti hain. The fact hai, kabhi-kabhi hum kuch months tak baat nahi karte the apni fights ki wajah se. Aiman aur Minal ko lo, Minal ke baare mein koi is tarah ki baat kahe aur Minal aur Aiman ek doosre ko jaa ke hug karein?

Toh Sajal, ek baat understand kar lo. Not saying you need to go and fight for them. Generosity and independence ke naam pe kisi insaan ko khuli chhutti dene ka matlab generosity nahi hota. Isko kehte hain lack of boundaries, lack of awareness. Bohat zyada expectations rakhna bhi sahi nahi hai. But Islam literally tells us balance: na naram bano ke mor diye jao, na sakht bano ke tor diye jao.

Overgiving mein yeh hota hai ke aap aglay banday ki expectations raise kar dete ho. Jab aap nahi karna chahte, toh woh aapke thora sa bhi step back ko aise lete hain jaise aap unke against chale gaye ho. Aur bohat cheezein karni hain kyunke boundaries nahi, balance nahi banaya. Lekin jab aap aise karte ja rahe ho, apna toh dekhungi na. Aglay ke attitude mein bhi yeh hota hai ke, zahir hai, apna toh dekhungi na. But aap un sab se shift-lock se milte ho, supportive hote ho, appreciate hote ho, balanced hote ho, jis se Humayun sahi karta hai.

Don't take it as comparison, take it as skills. Aap bandon ko comparison ke bajaye data ki tarah dekhna shuru kar do, toh aapki self-esteem attack nahi hogi. Ke, "Oh my God, woh toh achha hai, usne..." No, maine bhi aahista-aahista seekha hai. Humne 20–25 saal mein jo seekha hota hai, logon ne bhi itne saalon mein woh cheezein seekhi hoti hain. The fact hai, internet ki wajah se aapko foran woh cheez seekhne ka mauqa mil raha hai.

Aur Hazrat Ali ka ek kaha hua quote hai—Hazrat Ali ka nahi, ke apne ek hi situation se do martaba thokar khana jaiz nahi. Aur ek aur quote bhi hai ke wise insaan doosron ki ghaltiyon se seekhta hai, ya doosron ke sabak se seekhta hai. Then smart woh insaan hai jo apni ghaltiyon se seekhta hai. Fool woh hota hai jo samajhne ke bawajood ke uski situation mein ek pattern aa raha hai, woh usi cheez ko repeat karta rehta hai.

And the fact, I will tell you a big thing. Mujhe Hamza ka itna pata nahi hai, kyunke I don't want to dive deep into him. But the fact hai, uske father Asma Abbas ke friend hain. Woh directly aapki buraiyan nahi karti hongi, lekin indirectly chhoti-chhoti baatein, ke meri beti toh aise karti hai, responsibilities toh nibhani parti hain, is tarah ki cheezein. Ab woh softly, indirectly influence karte rehna hota hai kisi ko.

Toh ek insaan ke besties aur woh... ... Toh, Sajal, boundaries mein aap yeh nahi kar rahe ke jaa kar tamasha karna hai. You just remove access. liya doya andaz cordial. after saying what u didnt like tareeqy say and sometimes woh b ni krna a person need to feel k usne ghlt kia har jagah but partner or qareeb k logo k sath ,zahir hy bond hoga but har chez mun ni bnana ,,then , Aap apna aisa attitude mat bana lena ke aapko koi baat achhi nahi lagti, phir aapne uski boundary kaise banani hai? Boundary is not about punishing that person and shouting. It's about removing access.

Aglay banday ke saath aap phir limited ho jaate ho. Limited hone se mera matlab hai thora-bahut distance maintain karna. Aglay insaan ko pata chal jaata hai ke koi na koi baat hui hai, aur woh apni taraf se cheezon ko samajhne ki koshish karta hai. after collecting yoir though soft or achy tareeqy sy apni baat rakhna ,har chez ka way hota hy , Saboor, the fact hai, Ali ke saath bhi, apni sister ho ya doosri ho, aglay banday ko uncomfortable kar deti hai ke mujhe pasand nahi aa rahi. Iqra Kanwal bhi same aise karti hai aur aise hi karna chahiye. Sab apni limits aur boundaries mein rehte hain. q k its human biology ,aewen hi na mehram haram ni. kisi k sath b ek arsa raho u start to get attracted lekin zahir kaam hy lekin uske ilawa hamdle like saboor ,stay secure but nazar ,or khud bohot jiyful attractive adorable feminine zyada hojao ,cheze kare taky woh insan itna atttractive na lagy or nazar wapis laut aye,secure calculative way. or socially comfortable ho ,man and ppl admire ,value wimen who can falk and playinic way men bond kary socially. larkiyun sy zyada karo. ,relatiinship is constant skill . jese plant ko pani dena parhta hy ,yu jb tk apny apko grow disvioline ,self love ,boundaries worth ,sorted ,clarity calmnregulated nervois system ,skills ,sharpness feminity soft expresssion amd exteriour, ,street smart +book skills ,tab na na karo ,enjoy single phase WHILE GROWING. DISCIPLINE. build a life u enjoy ,TU ROMANE KHUD HI PEDESTL SY KHATAM HOG AAND ALSO STOP LISTENIMG TO MUSIC ,WORK ON OVER EMPTIONAL PHASE Q K OVER EMOTIONAL APKO LIFE ENJOY NI KRNY DETA. I USED TO B AS WELL. YEH EGO SOOTHING STTAEMENT HAI K YOU ARE NOT TOO MUCH. LKEIN YEH SELF LOYALTY NI HAI. Q K APKY LIYE JO ACHA HAI USKO TRAIAJ KARNE SY SARI ZINDAGI SUKOON RAHY GA. .US AREA MEN. AND WHEN U HAVE A LIFE THAT U ENJOY, social group ,kuch ankahi ka or qudsia ,or 3,4 log ka bna lo. and detach and khud ko bmad na karo. ,and yoga ,frnds har jagh ,heal .GROW. NAZAZ QURAN .shadi mat krna na hi relaonship men ana ,Aur access remove karo. Aise agar limited andaaz mein raho aur access remove kar do. And of course, telling her that you don't like it.

Isko generosity nahi kehte, isko exploitation kehte hain. You are getting exploited. Isliye maine kuch soch ke bola tha ke Saboor ke saath thora-bohat aapka communication hoga. Lekin jo maine apni zindagi mein seekha hai, jo insaan especially jealous ho, uske liye aap jitna bhi kar lo, uske saath cordial, respectful aur distance wala attitude maintain karo, toh woh phir aapki izzat karega. Lekin uske saath jitna zyada close ho ke rehte ho na, woh utni zyada aapki baaton ko banayega, aapko disrespect karega, indirect way hi sahi. jese her huggging zara , aur woh aapke peace ke liye sahi nahi hai. or dil men khush hota hai. and feel superior jb jealous bnday ko bohoy zyada friendly bnty ho njust be cordial. siblings mne b hota hai .

Aur waise bhi, larkiyon ko safety and security aur protective feeling chahiye hoti hai. Woh har aurat ko chahiye hoti hai. Toh agar usko apne father se mile, toh uske high standards aur high emotional level ki safety feeling aa jaati hai. Toh unko cuddle karo, unse connection banao, apne father aur brother se. Shuru-shuru mein they will be a little cold. Again, I am not saying disrespect, lekin zahir hai shuru-shuru mein woh bhi thore cold honge. Lekin aahista-aahista sab...

Lekin zahir hai, aapke bhi emotions hain, aapko bhi hurt hota hai. So think of it as detachment. Ke aap usse ek social connection bana lo. Don't entirely depend on them. Aahista-aahista woh, Sajal, Bamgeen and Suneen... The fact hai, aahista-aahista Bamgeen ne Subeen ko apna best friend banaya, yahan tak ke phir Subeen used to like hearing her a lot. Lekin usne apne aap ko uska best friend bana liya, aahista-aahista cheezein karke. I learned that skill as well. 17, WinQ.

So bhale woh life partner ho, bhale aapke close inner circle ko pata hona chahiye, you will not like it. Ke aapke saamne Hazrat Ali ka quote hai: aapke dushman ke jo dost hain, unke saath dosti karna bohat ghalat baat hai.

Maine apni zindagi mein, is life mein, tab se sorted feel karna shuru kiya jab se maine Hazrat Ali ko parhna shuru kiya. Kisi bhi cheez ko excuse dena, benefit of the doubt dena, khatam ho gaya, kyunke after understanding, ek-ek cheez jo unhone kahi, woh theek lagi. Understanding neuroscience and neuroplasticity of Islam, isliye unko Gate of Knowledge kaha jaata hai.

Toh Islam mein balance hai, Islam mein boundaries bohat zyada hain. Hum Islam mein bolte hain bardasht karo, lekin Islam mein yeh bhi kaha gaya hai ke apne liye baat karo. Lekin hum uske ek sire ko pakar lete hain. Lekin jab humne poora Islam parha ho, toh hum understand karte hain ke iska kya matlab hai. Ke jab aapne sahi baat karni hai, sahi tareeqe se. Lekin uske baad agar koi consequences hon, toh un par sabr karna hai. Yeh baat hoti hai.

Har tarah ki cheez karne ka ek tareeqa hota hai, baat karne ka bhi ek tareeqa hota hai, softly. I used to be very direct. Main seedhi-seedhi, straightforward baat karti thi. Then woh baat ekdum se chup thi, I realized that. Phir maine indirect way mein communicate karna start kar diya, ke aap softly kisi insaan ko baat samjha do. Insaan ko pata bhi nahi chalta, defensive bhi nahi hota aur aap apni baat bhi keh dete ho. Woh baat unke dimaagh tak bhi pohanch jaati hai. Maine woh art seekha.

Constantly apne skills develop karo. Aur kisi insaan ko itni leeway na do ke theek hai, koi baat nahi. Meri friends thi na. Nahi! Woh aapke... Aap itni normal expectation toh rakh sakte ho ke aapke saath jo bura hua hai, woh us insaan ke saath jaa ke hug nahi karte. Not saying bohat zyada expectations rakho, but rules, regulations aur decency se hi rishtay chalate aur maintain hote hain. And clarity and right priorities.You should have said, ke agar of course, tumhare toh phir sabke saath ladai hai, main kis-kis ke saath? das logon ke saath jo ladai ho na, apne saath kharay hote hain. minal aiman used to fight sari siblings ,and sb ka leh b ni rahi ,

And I am not saying ke thori-bohat jin ke saath conflict hui hai ya breakups hue hain, normal breakups waghera ke liye. But someone who publicly humiliated me, like Zara. I am not saying ke aapko Hamza se jaa ke baat nahi karni ya kisi se jaa ke baat nahi karni. But Ahad and Zara,

it literally blurs the line between strangers and family.

And the fact hai, even strangers ke saath bhi I will, of course, meet people, but I will be cautious of the fact ke yeh insaan doosre ke liye aisa kar sakta hai, how will that be for me? I will always see them as a bad person.

So you were my sister. Toh main aapko bata rahi hoon, go and make a bond with your father and brother. Isse ek woman ko safety and protective feeling milti hai, jo chahiye hoti hai. Bhale jo bhi ho jaye. Isse woh apni safety and protection ke liye tuned hoti hain, toh bahar jaa ke situationships, loneliness aur desperate ho ke ghalat partner choose karti hain, kyunke woh feeling satisfy ho jaati hai.

This is called ke your emotions are indicators and senses. Your rational objectivity, neuroplasticity, pattern reading, knowledge, psychology, relationship psychology, interpersonal skills and Islam. Integrity, values, balance, nervous system regulation, secure attachment styles. Yeh sab skills aapko discipline aur self-control ke saath yeh batati hain ke aapne emotions ko kaise guide karna hai, sahi tareeqe se guide karna hai.

Yeh emotions aapke valid emotions hain. Situation shifts, low-value, cheap dopamine, yeh sab ghalat baatein hain. Healthy dopamine, woh right hai. Aapko pata hota hai. Aur yeh sab skills aati hain, seekhi jaati hain. Handling people, tackling skills, tactics, calculative, strategic, street-smart plus book-smart, boundaries, rationality, objectivity, calm, nervous system regulation, father wound, mother wound.

And the fact hai, we attract partners based on our father and mother wounds. Every child has certain issues and traumas. And sometimes even... So they attract partners through that. And we bring that shiddat pasandi ya phir low avoidance us relationship mein, aur usko sabotage kar dete hain. Toh heal that first.

Always heal your inner child because we seek and attract partners and our relationships with people based on the dynamics we had with our father and mother and how they treated us. If they were inconsistent, sometimes very loving, sometimes very avoidant and aggressive, that type of love you attract and that type of love you will find healthy, and that is what you will call love.

Obsession will always kill relationships.

So actually apne bhai ke saath wrestling karo. Ekdum se bolo, and appreciate and support. And also make sure people know ke, of course, main toh apna faida dekhungi, but appreciate and be supportive.

Koi aapke saamne ghalat mock kare ya ghalat baat kare, foran usi waqt usko witty, spontaneous reply do. Aur woh spontaneity aur witty replies uske Charisma and Command YouTube channel se seekho. Aapko skills aur socially interact hone se, rozana socially engage karne se, grocery shopping, small talks, isse aapki social muscle build hoti hai.

And Iqra Kanwal from Sisterology, the way she gives comebacks. Toh aap phir comfortably comebacks dete ho, and then add a giggle with it, and quite confidently and securely, aise topic change kar dete ho.

And facial control, expressions, yeh sab tabhi hota hai jab aap expressions ki practice karte ho privately. Record, repeat, review. Khana khate hue, baat karte hue, smile karo, giggle karo. Agar bhool jao toh wapas rewind karke woh scene chalao aur wapas woh giggle karo.

Record yourself, TED Talk. Usse English fluency bhi better hogi, aapki voice bhi soft practice hogi jo aapne fix ki hai, and expressions bhi jo aapne new learn kiye hain. Isse teen-chaar cheezein cover ho jayengi.

Aur aise jab aap English mein kahin bologe toh aapki fluency better hogi. Aur phir jab aap apne sentence ke baare mein, kisi witty reply mein ya kisi bhi baat mein, apna emotional control aur awkward situation mein facial control use karoge, your facial control is your narrative control. Aap use kar sakte ho, kyunke aapke woh auto mode pe aa jayenge.

Kisi bhi situation mein baat bhi kar li, then end mein giggle kar diya, toh woh light way mein laga. Toh uske liye bhi skills aati hain.

Everything is a skill, everything is data. Don’t take it as a self-esteem attack. Just take it as grocery shopping. Koi bhi achhi cheez lage, adopt kar lo.

Islam mein smiling sadaqah hai. Humayun is very sorted, neutral, balanced and detached. Sabko appreciate and support karta hai, but he prioritizes himself.

Networking cordial with Vasey Chaudhry.his timing handling people putting them on place vey good ,take his advice. And again verify acc to neuroplasticity snd islam q k hamary desi tactics neuroscienece neuroplasticity ni batati .but when u ask they get the idea.