Literally, Hamza's pattern. Because his mother wants that. His mother wanted him to do that, so he's always trying to impress her and doing all those things. So now he's attracted to a woman who is like a mama. It's all connected.

We often say, "Oh no, we had a good childhood." But even people who had a good childhood can experience certain things during childhood that affect them later in life. If you study childhood, parenting, and childhood father and mother wounds, you'll understand. I forgot the psychologist or coach who talks about this, but father and mother wounds and attachment styles literally shape the kind of romantic relationships you're attracted to and how you're going to behave in them.

So go and heal those wounds first, because sometimes you may end up trauma-bonding with a person. That's why I always say, keep growing your inner world. Jitna aapka inner world grow aur rich hoga, aur jitni aapki skills develop hongi, utna hi aap apni life mein sorted hoge. Utna hi aapko apni value maintain karni aayegi, aur har area of life mein sukoon hoga.

And that happens when you understand that the control is in your hands. Allah ko apni life ka centre of the universe bana kar aap apne andar detachment develop karte ho. Detachment in a way that you're cordial and supportive towards everyone, but you also maintain boundaries. Aap overgive nahi karte. Agle bande ko pata hota hai ke, of course, you will think about yourself, and you will not tolerate disrespect or mocking.

For a witty and spontaneous comeback, you also have to know how to make the situation light. You need to develop that giggling expression, and that giggling expression only comes when you privately train that muscle of smiling and giggling. So that's another skill you need to develop.

Then there's the second skill: your social muscle. Social muscle tabhi develop hota hai, aur comfortability tabhi aati hai, jab aap logon se interact karte ho aur baatein karte ho. Phir aapke andar spontaneity aati hai, aur aap foran calmly aur achhe tareeqe se topic change kar dete ho. The situation feels natural, and people think, "Oh, she made such a witty remark without making it a big issue or making things awkward."

And learn from Ikra Kanwal from Sisterology.

Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, can also be associated with feelings of safety and connection in healthy relationships with your father and brother. A woman needs to feel safe and secure, and healthy family bonds can help fulfil some of those emotional needs. Toh phir aap male validation desperately seek nahi karoge. Apni single life enjoy karo aur saath saath grow karo. Jab aap grow kar loge aur aapka right partner aayega, toh aapko apni value maintain karni bhi aayegi aur relationship ko handle karna bhi.

And maintain discipline, keep taking care of yourself, and keep becoming the best version of yourself. No one is inherently ugly. Sometimes, you just need more discipline and consistency in taking care of yourself. Health is looks, too.

And your face has such soft, innocent features and beautiful natural features. Lekin logon ke peeche stress lena, music, dramatic situations, overdramatic behaviour, aur an irregular nervous system can affect how you feel and carry yourself. Instead of constantly putting yourself through emotional turmoil, regulate your nervous system and work towards feeling calm and grounded.

Develop detachment, build your network and social circle, and be supportive towards everyone, but never trust anyone blindly, overgive, or tolerate disrespect.

Aur jab aap chhoti chhoti baatein tolerate karte rehte ho, toh agle bande ko badtameezi karne ki aadat par jaati hai. Phir jab ek din aap achanak stand lete ho aur unka munh khulta hi chala jaata hai, toh aap ekdum se cut off kar dete ho, kyunki kahin na kahin aapne unko us behaviour ki aadat daal di hoti hai. Aur phir woh bhi aapko badnaam karne lagte hain.

And the third skill is reading people. Recognise that when someone is jealous of you, you need to maintain distance. Distance ka matlab cut off karna nahi hai. Just remain cordial and courteous, salam-dua tak. They may appreciate and respect you more when you maintain those boundaries.

The more you try to bring them to your side and overgive to them, the more a power dynamic can develop. Isse yeh hota hai ke aap unki validation constantly seek karne lagte ho. They may constantly degrade you through little jokes and casual remarks, making you feel small, and resentment starts building. And they will never respect you that way.

Toh samajhdaar insaan woh hota hai jisko pata hota hai ke jab koi insaan aapse mohabbat nahi karta, aur aapke maamle mein neutral bhi nahi hai, balki aapse insecure hai ya aapke saath competition rakhta hai, toh aap uske liye apni jaan bhi qurbaan kar do, they may never appreciate you that way.

I have a sibling like that as well. Maine apne bachpan ke trauma se yeh seekha, but later in life, jab doosri situations mein mujhe aise log mile, toh mujhe samajh aaya ke bohot se log aise hote hain. Lekin ek situation mein maine detect kar liya ke she is jealous of me.

Human behaviour ko observe karte hue, maine do-teen talks, yaani teen-chaar conversations mein hi andaaza laga liya. That's pattern recognition. Because I now have knowledge, and knowledge is power. Knowledge, neuroplasticity, Islam, and psychology have taught me to recognise patterns.

Toh maine detect kar liya aur socha ke main distance maintain karungi. Uske saath courteous bhi rahenge, respectful bhi, aur bond bhi maintain rahega. Is tarah resentment build nahi hogi.

And the fact is, I could actually see through that person's body language and behaviour that they started to incline towards me in a more neutral and respectful way.

But just because that person started treating me respectfully doesn't mean I would go back to being an overgiver or try to become super friendly with them. No. Main salam-dua, courtesy, idhar-udhar ki baatein, aur small talk tak hi rakhungi.

In the era of information and knowledge, pehle literally diplomas hote thay aur magazines aati thi. If you're not learning and growing today, you're responsible for your own growth.

You attract bigger and better things through your internal strength, discipline, rational and objective thinking, integrity, values, neuroplasticity, and living according to Islamic principles.

Jitna aapka internal standard high hota jaata hai, utna hi aap apni life mein behtar choices karne lagte ho. Aur kabhi kabhi aapko woh cheezein bhi mil jaati hain jo pehle impossible lagti thi. You can literally be treated like a queen.

Jo bare minimum aap maangte ho, woh koi idealistic ya unrealistic demand nahi hoti. Sometimes, you can find a life partner who is even better than the ideal you had imagined for yourself.