Would I Tell My Partner I Don’t Like the Toy They Chose?
A discussion from Kervyra, an adult-product retailer. For adult readers.
If my partner picked an adult toy for us and I didn’t enjoy it, I’d want to say so. I can also imagine hesitating. They’d put thought into choosing it, and I wouldn’t want an awkward reaction to make them feel foolish.
I’d probably be tempted to soften the answer until it barely sounded like an answer at all. “Maybe another time” could feel easier to say. But if I meant “I don’t like this one,” I’d want to find words that actually conveyed that.
I think I’d start simply: “I love that you thought of us. I’m not enjoying this one. Can we put it aside?” I wouldn’t want either of us to keep going just to be polite. Choosing something together would mean being able to change our minds, too.
If I were the one who chose it
The harder question for me is how I’d react on the other side. If I’d chosen the toy, I might feel disappointed for a moment. I’d still rather hear an honest answer than have my partner feel responsible for making my purchase a success.
I’d hope I could say, “Thanks for telling me,” and leave it there for the moment. I wouldn’t need an explanation before agreeing to stop. We could talk about preferences later, if we both wanted to.
Later, I’d be curious about what each of us had imagined when looking at the product. Maybe I’d focused on the color while my partner had been looking at its shape. We could have liked the same photograph for different reasons.
What I’d want to talk about next
Before another purchase, I’d want to look at the pictures and actual measurements together. I’d ask, “What appeals to you about this one?” and make room for an answer I hadn’t expected.
The pictures here show Neruvon from Kervyra and its corresponding S-size diagram as a concrete example. I’d want both people to see the outline and measurements before deciding whether it belonged on our shortlist.
Neruvon · Product photograph.
Neruvon · S-size diagram. Other sizes have different measurements.
A shared shortlist could also stay empty. I’d be comfortable leaving the conversation there rather than immediately trying to find a replacement. For me, the useful part would be learning something about each other’s preferences.
That’s how I imagine I’d approach it. What would make this conversation easier for you: saying something in the moment, or finding a quieter time to explain what you liked and didn’t like?
If you were the person who chose the toy, what would you want your partner to say? A sentence about the conversation is plenty; you can keep the personal details to yourself.
For the product pictured here, the Neruvon page has more views and size details. Kervyra’s Product Selection Guide brings together questions to consider when comparing products.